Body Dysmorphia/Self Hatred

I DO NOT OWN THIS PICTURE

Man oh man I had absolutely no intentions of ever making a blog like this, not because of shame or anything. But just because its one of those little things that we deal with right. But it just hit me today that ” yes this is a very huge issue to have”. So lets get started.

When I was young I thought that being skinny was the most desirable thing until a couple of girls I was friends with would pick on me for not being ” thick” like they were. I just couldn’t figure out what I wanted to be but I just knew I wanted to fit in and look the part. I’m only mentioning this because its one of the many things that jump started these thoughts about myself. From being told I’m “shaped weird” to that it factored into one of the many disorders that I’ve battled.

Having body dysmorphia is like forgetting what you look like in your entirety because satan is a liar and he likes to play tricks on our minds to get us to hate ourselves. So even though I’ve always been on the thinner side for some reason I thought that I was fat, and It wasn’t just thoughts that came out of nowhere. I got picked on and called fat to even though I wasn’t. But the thing that satan likes to do is plant thoughts using his servants so that when those thoughts come back around , you will think they are your own.

It really wasn’t until I got older that these things actually did come back full force one I got into the truth. I found myself at the same state again trying to be whoever I needed to be to please the other person and I found myself gaining an unhealthy amount of weight to be “thick” , because now everyone was telling me ” you are TOO skinny”, “put some meat on your bones”. And at the first I was like no I’m fine at this weight.

As satan began to torment me more on this I started trying to find ways to gain more weight, but it wasn’t the right way. I gained weight taking the wrong type of supplements and eating the wrong things. My skin was getting bad due to all of the things I was putting in my body.

I actually thought that I was happy with what I seen in the mirror but it seemed like still no-one was satisfied so why did I do this to myself. Because satan loves when we self destruct…

Of course to understand these things just know that this all goes in the category of mental illness. Because this is how you perceive yourself when you cant look in a mirror, and the mind is so powerful that you can paint yourself as the most undesirable thing and that’s what satan wants!

It wasn’t until I was diagnosed with Fatty Liver disease that my eyes were opened and I was so grateful that I got it because I found a new passion in weight lifting. And even in that you have people discouraging you and telling you ” don’t lift too much, you’ll look like a man” instead of encouraging words FIRST.

Life and death are in the power of the tongue and even though I’m at the weight that I want, in the back of my mind I still think “man I’m fat” lol. But I’m not, yes I’m muscular now but not in a manly way. and I’m learning to say these words to myself often ” I am fearfully and wonderfully made in the image of God” . And this WILL cause the devil to flee. One because its scripture, and two because he’s mad.

He is mad because he is not made in the image of God, we are, which means we are greatly beloved by our God in heaven ( doesn’t meant God doesn’t love his righteous angels). It also means that at the time appointed we will also be in his LIKENESS and we will be like him which is something satan has declared but it will NEVER HAPPEN.

Psalm 82:6- I have said, Ye are gods; and ALL of you are children of the MOST HIGH.

I want everyone reading this to stand in their mirror and declare the words of God

” I am fearfully and wonderfully made in the image of MY God, I love myself because my God loves me and so I will take care of myself and speak kindly to myself because God is perfect love, and perfect love cast out ALL fear.”

I love you all, please take care of yourself, please take care of your mind. Let us continue to trust and follow our God Jesus because once we do he will give us a peace that passes all understanding.

Psalm 17:15- As for me, I will behold thy face in righteousness: I shall be SATISFIED, when I awake, with thy LIKENESS.

Peace in Jesus

For any questions or discussions I’m on Facebook as ” Tawndra Israel” don’t hesitate to message me or email me at Tawndralance@aol.com